Frustrated. That’s how I felt immediately following last Saturday’s California International Marathon. I was able to run a qualifying time for the 2020 Boston Marathon, and I’m proud of my effort and the way I forced myself to keep moving forward when my legs wanted to give up. But I have also set high goals for myself.
California International Marathon is a fast race — more than 100 men and women ran faster than the US Olympic Marathon Trials standard. The race isn’t cheap, and neither was my trip to Sacramento. I was there to push myself to a new PR. I dedicated an entire training season to CIM. And I didn’t even get close to my goal.
I was so upset with my race performance that I immediately got on the road back to Las Vegas. A little more than an hour after I crossed the finish line, I was driving. I only stopped for fast food and gas, only wanting to be back home and to forget about my failure. But each mile I covered in my car relaxed me a bit more.
The trip down I-5 from Sacramento to Bakersfield is quite boring. Long straight stretches with acres on acres of fruit trees to the left and rolling yellow-grass covered hills to the right. By the time I exited on to Hwy. 58 to Barstow, the sun was starting to set behind me. The mountains ahead of me started to glow a deep orange, followed by a slow creep of darkness like an ember running out of oxygen.
By the time I made it back home, I had found peace. Gratitude is a word that we throw around a lot. It’s easy to talk about being thankful on Thanksgiving. But how do we react when something doesn’t go our way on a random day? There is so much for me to be grateful for right now, from my personal life to my running obsession.
I live in an amazing place with my amazing wife, where we have endless entertainment opportunities and a promising future. Las Vegas has already given me a solid group of motivated running friends, and we have limitless places to put in miles.
So what can I learn from the California International Marathon?
First, I need to make my weekly long run a priority. I know that was my biggest flaw in training — putting in a lot of miles doesn’t matter if they aren’t race specific. For a marathon, running 20+ with speed work in the second half is crucial to my success. I know this, yet I allowed myself to skip key long run and rely on double days to increase overall mileage.
Second, I need to keep working on mental strength. It’s crazy how quickly my mind determines that my own goals are out of reach. On a shakeout run the day before CIM, I had an internal argument about what shoes to wear for the race. “I’m not going to run fast enough, so I shouldn’t wear my Nike Vaporfly 4%s. I should save them for when I’m in better shape,” I told myself.
I did end up running in my Nikes. But even when I felt great through the first 10 miles Saturday, I was already starting to question my ability to hold pace. Part of chasing after your goals is believing you can reach them. I need to spend more time on positivity and confidence.
Third, the marathon always has the ability to humble. We had perfect weather for the California International Marathon. Overall, I feel like I’m in better shape than I was in the spring when I raced the Boston Marathon in horrific weather conditions. For CIM, a fast race on a perfect day, I thought worst case scenario would be running the same time as Boston. Yet I finished four and a half minutes slower. The marathon distance doesn’t play around. You have to be completely ready and all in. There are a host of things that can go wrong in 26.2 miles.
Fourth, I need to focus more on enjoying my race experiences. I easily sink into finding value through PRs and finishing place alone. There is so much more about running and racing to love. Sacramento in early December was a beautiful setting for a race. Leaves were an array of yellow, orange, and red. I was surrounded by amazing runners (CIM hosted the US Marathon Championships this year), and there were more than enough port-o-lets at the starting line (a pretty big deal). The race should have been much more fun. But I didn’t allow myself to enjoy anything as soon as I was off PR pace (which happened around mile 16).
A few years ago I would have done anything to run the time I ran at the 2019 California International Marathon. Yet I felt disappointment and frustration. My biggest failure, however, was not missing a goal time. It was not appreciating the opportunity to line up and chase that goal.
I will learn from CIM 2019. I’m grateful I have the drive and passion to keep pushing for the next PR.
This is all part of a long journey. It’s time to get back to work.
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