Full stomach (of candy and Red Bull). Heat of the day. Not enough sleep the night before. I made so many choices leading up to last Thursday’s tempo run. And almost all of them set me up for a miserable run. During both 2-mile repeats of my workout all I thought about was my history of self sabotage.
The tempo run went surprisingly well for how poor I felt starting it. And then I ditched my strengthening and stretching routine after as well as Friday, which led to tight legs and a rough long run Saturday.
I’ve never struggled with knowing how to train or what I should do next. But my follow through has never been consistent.
But why? Why is my tendency to self sabotage? Maybe it’s simply a fear of committing fully and still failing. Or procrastination.
Whatever the reason, I knew I needed to go to bed early Wednesday night so I could get up and do my tempo run in cooler temperatures Thursday morning. Still, I watched four episodes of The Bear (thanks a lot FX for dropping the entire season all at once and enabling my binge watching). Then when I was tired Thursday, I put off the workout until the last possible time while eating poorly as well.
There are core daily choices I should make if I have any shot at getting the fitness required for a September Boston qualifying attempt. I need to prioritize sleep, run hard on workout days, drink much more water than I have been, and cut back on the poor nutrition choices that lead to miserable miles.
Saturday’s long run ended up the exact same pace as last week, which is still much slower than what I need to get ready for a BQ attempt. But the win was waking up and starting early. I was also able to ditch the thoughts of cutting short or bailing on the run altogether.
The self sabotage tendencies aren’t new. I’ve always struggled with setting myself up for success on workout days. My biggest consistent shortcoming in that area has been all the times I’ve slacked on the strength and stretching side of training. My body quickly reminds me that I can’t run miles and forget all of the recovery and maintenance work.
While running my long run Saturday, I listened to a podcast with some good tips about reframing thoughts to promote change. Instead of jumping quickly to failure thoughts, it’s better to look at myself as someone learning. If I’m learning how to do something I’ve never done well before, I shouldn’t expect myself to jump immediately to 100-percent success level.
I should also avoid the all-or-nothing approach I fall into. Like when I make one poor nutrition decision, I shouldn’t give up on the entire day. That’s like getting a flat tire and then slashing the other three.
Our brains have so much power to enable positive or negative change. I have had seasons of positive momentum in the past. But it has felt like I’ve been in a long valley the past year.
My first two weeks of training for a 2025 Boston qualifier have been rocky at times. But there is a big positive I can focus on. I have multiple areas with lots of room for improvement. And for two weeks, I’ve hit my goal of two interval workouts and a long run. And at moments, running felt better this past week.
Maybe being more aware of my self sabotage tendency will allow me to avoid my usual pitfalls. Or get better at recognizing and making small changes for the positive.
What strategies do you use to avoid self sabotage?
Just 10 training weeks remain. I don’t want to look back at the summer and think about what could have been.
Bring on week 3.
Weekly log
Monday: 11 miles easy paced around town.
Tuesday: 12-mile track workout with 25 X 1 min on, 1 min off; 3 miles easy.
Wednesday: 6 miles easy to camp dropoff and back; 6 miles easy for camp pickup.
Thursday: 6-mile tempo with 2 X 2 miles; 8 miles easy for HOTV social run.
Friday: 2 miles super easy to recover.
Saturday: 23-mile long run with way too many bathroom stops and tight legs the entire way.
Sunday: 2 miles easy; 5 miles easy to boost weekly mileage a bit.
Total miles: 85.
2024 Boston Beard week 2 highlights: attending the 2024 US track and field Olympic Trials in Eugene (so inspiring watching some great races including the womens 5,000-meter final and the mens 400-meter final), hitting my highest mileage week since early in the year, and sticking to my plan even when I wanted to quit each workout.